Wednesday, June 6, 2012

In control of what??

Things don't often go to plan do they?

My husband and I turned up to my 36 week obstetrician appointment with a short list of things on our mind.

1. Could we do an extra ultrasound to confirm the sex? We had a medical scan at 20 weeks that told us to expect a boy. But my mother had suggested according to chinese tradition, the shape of my belly actually suggested a girl. Then, our three year old was pretending to be pregnant, as he often does, but this time, it was a baby girl, not a boy! So there you have it, enough reason to put doubt in our minds... how hilarious! So anyway, did another scan, and yes, it's a boy..., fancy that, modern medicine being more accurate than old wives' tales and pretend play of a toddler.

2. We were (I was) leaning towards a selective c-section in the hope of having a better recovery than my last emergency c-section. However, after talking to our allergy specialist, there was a suggestion that trying for a natural birth might improve our chances of not having a highly allergic child. It was probably worth a try.

Well, this is where things unraveled. Baby is head down? Check. Blood pressure? Uh oh... We were informed it was time to check into the hospital for monitoring of mother and child. There went my plans for shopping with a friend... hubby would take the rest of the day off from work, but fortunately our son was already in childcare for the day. It wasn't an emergency, and the doctor did tell us it was mainly precautionary. So we went home, packed some things then had a lovely couple's lunch before checking in.

Three night's later and we finally get all the lab results back - pre-eclampsia! Bugger! Bugger! Bugger!

In my last post, it was all about regaining control... (mainly of my own thoughts and fears). Well, control is a facade - certainly, we can be organised, and I think our planning helped us with that, but control? Well, all the planning and organisation in the world can control squat! In the end, what will happen will happen - who can control pre-eclampsia?? Checking through all the risk factors... nope, not one of those, so who knows why I got it.

Being organised helped a little, although my dear husband simply taking time off to look after our son was the simplest and best solution we came up with. We got some wonderful assistance from church with quite a few meals ready cooked (although my husband still cooked special food for our son). Supportive friends, ongoing prayer... all of it helped. Acceptance... probably the best thing that you can do in the end... believing that somehow, somewhere, this was all going to make sense...

This was my first overnight separation from our son - I knew that if I followed doctor's orders, I would probably be OK, especially being monitored in a hospital regularly. But, what of my dear husband and son?? Could they survive without wife and mother?? Well, in the end, they coped wonderfully well (that's a humbling fact isn't it?!) It was a longer than expected trial for them - it has been tiring on my husband, trying to juggle the home responsibilities with work, but the outcome has been positive. The only thing of concern perhaps is that my son really wanted Megatron to go and destroy the hospital so mum would come home (he is fairly obsessed with Transformers at the moment, so it all makes sense in his world).

Another interesting note, was that my neighbour at home turned out to be my neighbour at the hospital too! You can't really arrange that sort of thing... I'm not sure what the point of that was, but, perhaps in the future, time will tell the significance of both of us being hospitalised together. I can't believe that was coincidence.

So although control would be nice, I don't think we can ever achieve it - if we try really hard to, we'll probably just wear ourselves out! Organised - yes, it has helped so far. Acceptance - the main factor in finding peace. Well, I suppose perhaps it depends on what you're accepting... for me, it was accepting that I am not in control, but that the God who first started all this, will be faithful to complete it.

Amazingly, after four nights, they sent me home for further bed rest. My husband and friends have all been wonderfully supportive while I have been told to rest and do nothing. The pre-eclampsia seems to be stable and not worsening, so two weeks on, we are still here, waiting for the time when bubs will finally appear.

In the end, natural birth vs c-section vs allergies vs whatever else - who cares?! It all amounts to not much at all, except for maybe more stress. I've accepted my life is in good hands and am finally in a spot where just seeing our second little baby boy will bring more joy to my life than all the control in the world. I've seen too much good come from our first little boy's life already to think anything else.

... we're all waiting for you my darling!